it’s tough to know what you should be thinking when you’re making something. but i always loved this ancedote about dilla because it's very relatable. having these quiet, solitary moments of “woo! i actually pulled that off!” after something you’re working on turns out as good as or better than you wanted. it’s good to be self critical, but i think mostly insofar as it leads to these moments.
As Kyle Gann said:
“No, composers’ moments of triumph come just the same as painters’, and any other artist’s: at home, alone, in the studio. That’s what you eventually learn: the great reward of being a composer is the thrillingly intense satisfaction of the process of composing itself when it’s going well. Everything else – performance, publishing, recording, awards, residencies, reviews – turns out to be a disappointment. That’s why envying any other artist’s life is so pointless.”
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